Welcome to HowToBeADad

What HowToBeADad ISN’T

If you were looking for a website telling you how to be a dad… you didn’t find it. I’m not an expert in “dadology.” I’m not even sure such a thing exists. I’m just here to entertain you and maybe give you an “I’m not the only” sigh of relief. Or make you pee a little bit from laughter. Hopefully!

– Andy

INSTRUCTIONAL DIAGRAMS

Put on a mask and grab some disinfectant, this is what most of you came here for. Is there a word for the opposite of ‘educational’? That’s what these are. These diagrams illustrate why caffeine and insomnia don’t mix well. View the Instuctional Diagram category or check out these examples:

Zombie vs. Baby

Bad Product Idea #2: Thongies Diaper Thongs

Types of Diaper Loads (The Truth)

Baby Sleep Positions: “H Is for Hell”

Hypo-mom-dria (The Hypochondria of Mothers)

The Cycle of Manhood (Illustrated)

Safety from Children: Baby Carrying Warning

NOTEBOOK

Basically stories, listicles and other things with words. You can view the Notebook category or check out these examples:

Potty FAILing (A True Story)

Childbirth Terms Can Make You Want to Puke

Being a Ninja in the Bedroom

80 Comments

Alan Eames says:

at 10:22 pm

Hi Andy & Charlie,

Very entertaining site!! Thanks for the laughs and keep up the good work.

Alan

Reply
Elizabeth says:

at 1:54 pm

Just found your site — love it! Adding to my Google Reader : )

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- charlie says:
  
  at 2:07 pm
  
  And we you love you for loving our site! This is the one gift you can definitely re-gift to your friends. 🙂
  
  Reply
Heather Reese says:

at 4:42 pm

I have bestowed upon you the Versatile Blogger Award! Please stop by here to pick it up! http://www.myhusbandateallmyicecream.com/2011/05/versatile-blogger-award-take-2.html

Reply
Mama Marlaine says:

at 3:58 pm

Love the welcome Mat!!! Just kicked off my heels and sat down, feeling right at home. Looking forward to the self deprecating humor. Forgive me if I nap, it’s a compliment I promise. Hugs!!! Mama Marlaine

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Rob Wiltsher says:

at 5:11 am

Hi guys – Happy 4th to all from England. Just came across this site thro’ Twitter and am intrigued if a little nervous LOL Am the 52-year old proud parent of a 12-year old girl…..look forward to chatting, exchanging, networking and all those other idioms that you young folks use…..LOL What do I like ? Hmmm……beer and the Grateful Dead for starters 🙂

Have a happy forever….

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Zack says:

at 11:44 pm

Hey Charlie and Andy,

Great blog. Really enjoying your posts and the design. Well done.

I don’t blog about being a dad except where it fits in with my company blog, The Wire. I’m a dad of nearly 4 y/o triplets and I live in So Cal. I also run an ad agency and presently developing a new social good company.

So, I’m busy. Since you won’t have all the answers for me, I’m hoping to get a laugh or two from your site as I already have. Also, if you figure out where to live other than LA, let me know.

Cheers!

Zack

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Jason B. says:

at 6:47 am

Great blog! Just became a 3rd time Dad at 40 so this site keeps me amused at 3am.

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- andy says:
  
  at 11:35 am
  
  Thanks and congrats! We’ll try to keep you three times amused. 😉 At 3am and beyond.
  
  Reply
Daniel says:

at 3:24 am

Hi guys!

Awsome site. Enjoying minutes spending here. I’m a dad of Frank 3 y/o and Philip 1 y/o.

Greets from Poland!

Take care, keep it doing!

D.

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Luke says:

at 2:09 pm

My older brother and I swap hilarious webpages throughout the workday. In celebration of my upcoming fatherhood (1st child, due March 2012) he pointed me here, sighting how my baby is like a Zombie. I’ve been hooked ever since.

Thanks for the laughs, looking for sound guidance, if not a respite of hilarity from the chaos of my new life choice.

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- charlie says:
  
  at 2:24 pm
  
  Hilarity, we might have you covered. Guidance? GPS is your only sound solution. Hopefully, you can laugh your way through the chaos. That’s what we’re doin’…
  
  But we’re glad to have you join the ranks of dads. Stay strong.
  
  Reply
Craig says:

at 11:45 am

Hi all,

Amazing website, I love the concept.

I am a soon to be father, due date is early Feb.

Have bookmarked your site and registered for updates, and i cant wait for them.

Regards from Israel.

Reply
Kim says:

at 3:12 pm

Just found your site at Top Twitter Moms of 2011…love it, you should win 🙂

Reply
- andy says:
  
  at 10:26 am
  
  We’re getting such a kick out of being in the list of Top Twitter Moms! It’s hilarious and an honor, a rare combo. Thanks for the support!
  
  Reply
Doug says:

at 9:34 pm

Just found you all very funny just had my first a baby girl Jodie by name she arrived April 8th 2011. Truly lost and if I can’t get help at least I can get funny.

Reply
- andy says:
  
  at 11:44 am
  
  You came to the right place. For funny. 😉 Welcome!
  
  Reply
Sam says:

at 1:04 am

Great stuff the “H” article brought me here from a friends fb post and I am loving it. Good to see that I am not the only one who sees the humorous side of parenting, keep up the good work.

Reply
Tony says:

at 12:10 pm

Hey, glad I found this place! Can’t wait to dig deeper…

Reply
- andy says:
  
  at 5:20 pm
  
  Go for it! Use this one, and you’ll fly through it! (Or put a savage hole in your computer screen)
  
  Reply
Caity says:

at 7:28 am

Just found you guys! Hilarity! My husband and I were up till the wee hours of the morning cycling between laughing hysterically and rocking our son back to sleep. 😀

Reply
- andy says:
  
  at 10:14 am
  
  JOY! Thanks. We’ll keep you waking up your kid with laughter.
  
  Reply
Alan says:

at 7:22 pm

A friend shared your “zombie vs. baby” on facebook and I found my way to your site. I’m a Mr. Mom for a 5yo and 18mo. and have been laughing my ass off for the last 30 min. Keep it up! I will visit your site often.

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- charlie says:
  
  at 7:48 pm
  
  We love you long time, Alan. Come all you like. You’re welcome to stay rent free. 😉
  
  Reply
Nikki says:

at 6:07 pm

Love your site! Funny stuff. Definitely showing my husband.

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- andy says:
  
  at 1:33 pm
  
  You rock! We love our readers, but we love our sharers MORE! We’re on Facebook and Twitter, too, for following us easily. 🙂
  
  Reply
Sam says:

at 12:30 pm

Found your site from a text from my wife. I EFFING LOVE IT!!!

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- andy says:
  
  at 1:32 pm
  
  YES!!! Thanks! Also give me a new website tagline idea: EFFING + LOVE = HowToBeADad.com (Maybe it needs some work.)
  
  WELCOME!
  
  Reply
Michael 2 says:

at 6:15 pm

I’m a new dad of a 2 month old boy, and just found out at my wife’s IUD placement (birth control; for those who don’t know) appt, that we’re expecting…again.
I found your site after seeing the picture from the Zombies vs Babies post. Based off the pic alone I had to check it out. So far so great! Keep up the good work.

Reply
- andy says:
  
  at 10:43 am
  
  Oh wow! Double rainbow. Congrats and thanks! We’ll try to be like your kids: entertaining. But we’ll try not to wake you up at 2:00am. And then at 3:00am, and then at… 😉
  
  Reply
Dee @ Cocktails with Mom says:

at 6:48 am

Just found your site today â€” love it! Totally sharing this with the hubs …I’m bookmarking.

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Abraham says:

at 6:38 pm

Hey, I’ve been a subscriber for about a month. Saw your Thongies pic and couldn’t resist. 🙂

Thanks for your work!

Reply
I Can Grow People » Blog Archive » Porterisms says:

at 5:18 pm

[…] you have enjoyed this post then you may want to check out HowToBeADad’s My Kid Just Said page on FacebookÂ where parents can post the amazing, confusing, hilarious things […]

Reply
Milwaukee Mamas » Milwaukee Wisconsin Mommy Bloggers » Green Child Magazine – Funny Co-Sleeping Photo – How To Be A Dad says:

at 3:32 pm

[…] did a little more research and found the image is from a hilarious blog, https://www.howtobeadad.com. Check it out for a good laugh. […]

Reply
Andy Byrne says:

at 11:56 am

What a fantastic, brilliant, truthful website. This is what I think I should have been looking for for the last 18 months without even realising it!

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- Andy says:
  
  at 5:09 pm
  
  Wow! So glad you found us! We’ll leave the light on for ya.
  
  Reply
  - Andy Byrne says:
    
    at 5:04 pm
    
    Please do. Its sometimes dark at 4am when going downstairs to get a bottle!
    
    Reply
Bernard Linde says:

at 12:39 pm

Stumbled across this blog this evening – not a father at all, but work with children for a living – this is truly BRILLIANT!!!! Made my day!

Reply
- Andy says:
  
  at 5:08 pm
  
  Your comment made my day! Fair trade. 😉
  
  Reply
Hailey says:

at 2:15 pm

Hey Charlie & Andy! I am not married, and don’t have any children, but I do have nieces, work at a preschool, and have babysat for the last 10-yrs of my life. Yall’s site is amazing!! I have sat here looking at the postings for the last hour and have laughed my hiney off the entire time! Intense laughter that I have seriously needed. The site is awesome because it’s so honest; what every man (and a lot of women) thinks but never says. I think it’s great that you and your wives find the humor/fun in being married and having kids. If a man will eventually ask me out in the future, maybe I can have a husband who makes me laugh just as much someday!! Keep posting!!!

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- Andy says:
  
  at 5:08 pm
  
  (In total awe at your amazingly kind words) WOW!!! 🙂
  
  Reply
  - Hailey says:
    
    at 5:20 pm
    
    You’re very welcome 🙂 Ya’ll totally deserve it! You made a 22-yr-old Grad student forget her assignment because she’s too interested in your website….. those are some bragging rights.
    
    Reply
    - Andy says:
      
      at 5:26 pm
      
      Ooooooo, I LOVE distracting people from school/homework. Hee hee! I’m kinda mischievous that way. My kids’ teachers have another word for it though.
      
      Reply
Brianne says:

at 8:49 pm

I’m kind of pissed off. Not AT ya’ll but FOR ya’ll. I’m a fairly new reader, and I honestly never knew that a TON of those posts were even from you guys. I don’t remember seeing link backs, and I’m pretty sure your name was removed. Other wise I would have found you WAY sooner.

Because of people’s douchiness I have been deprived of your awesomeness for so long. I’m almost having a moment here…

You guys are amazing and I’m glad that someone along the way DID end up linking me back to this amazingness I now enjoy so much!

PS I’m in “H is for Hell” at this very moment, with my 7 month old wedged right between my husband and I. Ah…parenting…good times.

Reply
- Andy says:
  
  at 12:00 pm
  
  Yeah, Charlie and I were really bothered by all the thievery, NOT the sharing, but the outright thievery with removed domain name and logo. But then we just took a deep breath and reminded ourselves that that’s just the Internet, it can be a shitty place, or a percentage of it can.
  
  We’re so glad you found us! WELCOME and ENJOY! Even if you only got the equivalent of 3 hours of sleep because you were rocking the H last night. 😉
  
  Reply
recovering says:

at 7:20 pm

THANK YOU for this website! I am a mom of two wee ones, and after a week end being run over by a stomach bug (thank you daycare?!), I’m so glad I stumbled on the Instructionals pages… I’ve been wiping tears of laughter since!

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- Andy says:
  
  at 10:36 am
  
  You bet! Welcome to the party, pull up a chair! So glad you’re loving the Instructional Diagrams. Don’t miss our videos, too, we just started doing them. 😉
  
  Reply
Maya says:

at 3:53 am

Loving your stuff from Wagga Wagga,Australia. I spent a long evening recently putting my Fin to bed (he had croup…. I was having to say things like “if u stop crying you’ll be able to breath”… Fun)then into bed with a 4 month old with a fever who screamed till she collapsed in a heap on me. I start flicking through your site and pissed myself laughing… only to wake the baby and have to start the process again. Was worth it though that night. Thanks 🙂 Maya, Finlay (3) and Abigail (4mths).

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- Andy says:
  
  at 10:19 am
  
  Sooooooooooooorry about making you wake the baby. It apparently happens a lot with our visitors. 😉 Welcome to HowToBeADad.com. Please wear adult diapers.
  
  Reply
Jerrad says:

at 11:24 pm

Will I’m going to be dad on 7-1-12 is the due date four my first baby it going to be a boy I have now idea what to do but I will figer it out if anyone can give info on what to do or give me some info it my first baby

Reply
- Andy says:
  
  at 10:20 am
  
  I think you found the wrong website, man. This is an entertainment website for parents. Not really the place to go for actual tips and advice. But have a look around and enjoy the laughs. And congratulations!!!
  
  Reply
Jacki says:

at 5:50 am

Too funny! Love your site! Thanks for the laughs!

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- Andy says:
  
  at 10:30 am
  
  Fantastic! Thanks! I hate types too, though I generate as much of them as I do CO2 by breathing. BUT I can edit anything on the website, sooooo… what typo? Ha ha!
  
  Reply
Natt says:

at 12:46 pm

Stumbled across your site about an hour ago. I have been in tears of laughter ever since. I learned all this info the hard way…..3 times in fact but I have bestowed your wisdom and genius upon a few of my fellow dad’s and dad’s to be. Fantastic effort.

Reply
- Andy says:
  
  at 6:49 pm
  
  You’re a rockstar! Thanks for laughing, crying and sharing.
  
  Reply
derek says:

at 2:31 am

like it verymuch

Reply
Leading Parents: Most Influential Dads | Cisionblog says:

at 7:32 am

[…] Charlie Capen & Andy Herald, How to be a Dad, @howtobeadad […]

Reply
shruti says:

at 3:01 pm

Charlie, excellent site. I found your session to be extremely informative at Blogher’12. Thanks for all the tips. You have a great sense of humor..keep it coming!!

shruti-k.blogspot.com

Reply
Joaquin says:

at 7:22 am

I found you guys a bit late, my kid is 7 now, but still very funny and useful…hehehe I’ll apply my newly aquired knowledge with the little one…he’s in for a blast! 😀

Reply
- Andy says:
  
  at 5:08 pm
  
  “Knowledge” is on the ban list of words to use in relation to our website. Ha ha! No worries. We write about babies a lot, but I’m still ahead of you with a 14 and 12 year old. So, there should be something for you to laugh at when you discover a gym sock that won’t bend (if your 7yo is a boy). 😉
  
  Reply
Aaron says:

at 5:35 pm

Awesome site! Just got another subscriber!

From One Dad to Another (Few)

Reply
Derek N says:

at 10:29 am

This is awesome. I screenshot the one picture of the “hypomomdria”.

While my wife might laugh, she could also go the other way and chase me with a scissors, but you know how many times she’s asked me, “omg, is he breathing” and the poor kid is just snoozing? Or wait, the times when he coughs or sneezes, its the bubonic plague (ok maybe not the plague, but you get it).

Being a Dad is awesome, and its even better when you get to share it with someone you truly love (my wife if you couldnt tell).

D

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Penny says:

at 12:07 am

Just found your site and laughed my head of at the ‘shiny peepee’ story. As a Mom to an almost four year old boy and the only ‘girl’ in the household I will be keeping up to pick up tips and tricks and stay informed!

Reply
Johnny "Jet" says:

at 1:21 am

Oh how i wish i found this sit 8yrs ago!

Reply
- Andy says:
  
  at 11:09 am
  
  Yay! I we’d started it that long ago! Ha ha! 😉
  
  Thanks!
  
  Reply
Jennifer says:

at 9:48 pm

Thank you for the ab workout I just received from laughing at your intructional diagrams! What makes them so great is that they are true!

Reply
daniel says:

at 7:27 am

Nice! Now I can read some interesting articles, when I can’t sleep. That is until, my wife gets mad at my cell phone light wakeing her up from her beauty sleep

Reply
Jason Smth says:

at 1:33 am

Hey dads!

My name is Jasom – awesome site here!

Been looking around for a little bit, now Im going to start reaching out and interacting a bit more with you guys.

Funny stuff here,

Cheers

J

Reply
Tina says:

at 3:24 am

Being a single parent for most of my kids lives (12 years) teaches you a thing or 2 about them, but the way you guys describe some of this stuff lets moms see humor in things we otherwise probably never would have. Lol at least it does for me lol 😉 so glad I found this site! Thanks â™¥

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Hi Guys! says:

at 2:56 pm

Love the website. It’s really entertaining and, well… entertaining! Keep up the great work!

Reply
J Phillips says:

at 5:58 pm

You guys are hilarious! Keep up the good work. Your feed makes me laugh so hard I wanna poop… seriously though I feel a little backed up.

Reply
Nance says:

at 7:14 pm

Hey, this site is pretty gnarly. I found it on Google+ and it’s usually got something to cheer me up. My wife passed last year, Dec. 7. I’m the proud owner of 5 awesome kids ranging from 12 to 4, and as easy and awesome as it is to love them, sometimes it all is a little much. This site is pretty uplifting and sometimes helps me see the humor when I can’t find it on my own. Keep it up.

Reply
Andrew says:

at 2:31 am

Charlie, I loved the video where your Dad takes care of you for a while. How old were you in the video?

Reply
Nicole says:

at 6:34 pm

Tried to submit this on the contact page, but it bounced back, fyi. LOVE your site – especially the breastfeeding stuff. Would love to see this idea done by you guys, as you have the technology to pull it off. Take a magazine we all see in the grocery checkout stand with requisite boob-exposing cover shot (say, Shape magazine, any month). Photoshop a image of a breastfeeding baby to one of boobs. Caption: “How to make any woman’s body instantly offensive in public”. EXTRA CREDIT: create stickers of the baby in breastfeeding pose with the caption underneath and randomly stick to magazine covers (maybe made the stickers the kind that can peel off in case you get caught…) Ok, *I* think it’s a great idea, but only because I’m currently breastfeeding and am functioning on very little sleep, haha.

Reply
Michael says:

at 8:44 am

Hello guys,

My wife just put to bed like some 14days ago. Now she says to me “my boobs feel really heavy and it drips milk even when baby Ethan aint sucking” Am like huh!

Guys is that how it normally is? cant believe ’em boobs will be like that. There goes my play toy, lol

Reply
Gary says:

at 5:51 pm

Great site guys. I have a 3yr old and a 5yr old who run us to death plus the my 5yr old daughter has night terrors so were constantly in zombie mode. strictlyfordads.com

Reply
Chris says:

at 2:04 am

Haha , love it. Some real impractical advice, just what all us dads need 🙂

keep up the good work

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Jon says:

at 6:28 pm

Love the site. Hope to one day partner with you!

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- Andy says:
  
  at 3:54 pm
  
  Thanks, Jon.
  
  Reply
Greg says:

at 2:29 pm

So glad I found this site. Such great entertainment for dads. We always can use a good laugh

Reply